Finding my delight in the journey of adoption.

Archive for May, 2010

Glorified Body

Romans 8:30 Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.

This verse is packed with all kinds of goodness, but today it has me thinking about the eventual glorification of our bodies at the resurrection.  The pastor at our church preached on that this past weekend.  It’s fascinating to think that we will not be saved out of our bodies, but that our bodies will be coming with us.  What will this look like?  Can we see glimpses in our everyday life? 

I signed up for a 5K on June 19.  This morning, as part of the training, I had to run 20 minutes without stopping.  Up to this point, I’ve only been running intervals.  It was hard, but afterwards, I felt good about my body -probably the best I’ve felt in years.  Infertility kills your body image.  I’ve heard that from many people.  It’s a constant state of being disappointed, frustrated, enraged and embarrassed by your body.  It was so nice to get a slight glimpse back at a healthy body image.  Thanks God.

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Running is easier than the Bar Exam

I ran three times last week.  Three times!  I also went to yoga twice, for a total of 5 days of working out.  No wonder I could barely move yesterday.  Week 1 of my journey to physcial fitness was a success.  This morning, I started week 2.  I’ll admit that I was not looking forward to it.  I woke up in the middle of the night filled with dread.  Then, we got started, and after my first interval, the watch battery died so I had no idea how long I was running.  I was pretty cranky at this point and wanted to quit.  I’m happy to report that I did not quit, but I did have a bad attitude (sorry Bill!). 

As I embark on this endeavor, I was trying to think of all the things that I’ve accomplished that were harder than running.  I realized that running for 15-20 minutes is really a whole lot easier than most of the challenges I’ve faced.  Maybe this thought will help me keep on going…

Philippians 4:13: I  can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.  This really means I can do ALL things.  It’s kind of a crazy thought.  There’s nothing too big, nothing too difficult. It’s hard to imagine, but it’s true!


What are you working for?

I’ve been frustrated lately about all the effort, planning, time, energy and money we’ve dumped into infertility treatments with no success.  This has felt like such a waste of resources.  This morning, the Spirit showed me something different.  I was listening to a sermon about how we glorify God in all the things we do in our daily life.  It was revealed to me that when it comes to the things we do, it’s not about  the actual work we do, but for whom we do the work.  A light came on in my head.  Of course!  The point of doing infertility treatments is not about getting pregnant.  We do infertility treatment because it’s God’s will for us, and he wants us to glorify him in our work.  It feels wasted on us only because we are looking for the wrong outcome.  The only outcome that matters is that God is glorified. 

As we consider what to do next, it’s clear that we must ask God where he wants us – where he will be most glorified.  And even if the answer is the least likely way we will end up with a child, that’s ok, because that’s not what matters.


First

This is my first post.  Although a sizable part of my life, this blog is not about infertility.  I posted the details of our journey on a separate page because I know that whenever I go to a new blog related in any way to infertility, I want to know all the details.  This blog is more about what God’s doing in my life and the lives around me.  Of course this will include how He’s leading me through infertility as well.  I hope to use this site primarily to encourage myself and others to delight in the Lord.

FET #1 just failed last week, so that’s obviously on my mind.  The big questions now are whether to try again and when.  We have 7 frozen embryos left, although a couple are pretty low grade.  We are committed to using them all, but I may need a little break.  I want to get my body in line again.  I have been medicating myself for over a year now.  I’m committed to exercising and eating better.  I started a two week Advaclear detox yesterday.  I’ve done one before, and it feels so good.  I may try running.  This is not becuase I think I can behave my way out of IF.  God knows I’ve tried that before.  I just need to be healthier.  I need to get in shape and be stronger.  I am praying for motivation.  This is not a willpower issue.  The Spirit’s moving me on this one.