I want to take a few posts to document how we got to this point. So, today, the topic is “Why are we adopting?”
The simple answer is obedience. God has called us to grow our family through adoption. Last summer, I was stuck on a plane coming back from St. Louis, and I read Russell Moore’s Adopted for Life. http://www.amazon.com/Adopted-Life-Priority-Adoption-Christian/dp/1581349114 The premise is that adoption is a priority for Christian families. Bill & I believe this wholeheartedly for a few reasons: (1) as Americans today, we live the wealthiest, most privileged life that any human being ever has; (2) God commands (He doesn’t ask) that we care for the poor, orphans, widows, etc. (i.e., it’s not optional); (3) adoption is a beautiful picture of God’s relationship with his people – he adopts us (dead sinners) into complete fellowship and relationship with him; and (4) if we, as God’s chosen, redeemed people, don’t adopt orphans, who on earth will?
When I read this book, I was overcome. There’s not been a day since that I haven’t thought about adoption. Prior to reading it, we had of course begun to discuss the idea and were already loosely “planning” on adopting, but through reading this book, the Spirit pushed us over the edge into realizing that it was a direct command from Him. We have no choice but to obey.
Of course, God has used our circumstances to get us here. He allowed me to be barren because He has bigger plans that he knew we wouldn’t pursue without being infertile. He continues to break down our idols – like our desires to have a perfect family full of kids who look like us, successful lucrative careers, a big beautiful home and fancy cars. Of course, He’s even blessed us with some of those things, but He’s turning our focus to Jesus instead.
Now, as I gaze upon the faces in the photos, I am overcome with gratitude. What an honor to play a part in God’s plan. Is it really true that I ge tthe privilege of mothering these two beautiful, perfect children? I see the Father’s love. I am learning His heart. Yes, that’s why adoption – because it gives my Father glory and pleases Him. And that’s all that matters. I am just blessed to be along for the ride.
Today is Freddy’s third birthday. We celebrated with lunch, cupcakes and gifts with my parents, Laura & Travis. We made some nice videos telling Freddy how much we love and miss him already. My prayer is that this will be his last birthday without us with him (at least until he’s an adult).
We are living in the joy…the reckless joy. We are daydreaming and chatting. We are trying to fight out the fiery darts of doubts and fear that come our way regularly. They come fast and out of the blue. One minute I am daydreaming about bunk beds and the next, I feel sick to my stomach with fear. I repeat – “I will not live in fear,” and it subsides. Christ is my rock and my salvation, of whom shall I be afraid?
Amazing worship service this morning at TMC. Such powerful and heartfelt singing and a rocking sermon on Romans 3:21-26. God doesn’t love us because we are valuable but because GOd loves us, we are valuable (Martin Luther). We learned about how sin is violating God’s glory. Every single moment that we are in idolatry or gossip or mean speak or impure thoughts – those aren’t just bad for us or or others, but they are sins against God. Whoa. Must remember that. He is so merciful though. While we were dead in our sins, Christ died for us. It is heavy. It is real. It is beautiful.
Finally, another praise! Yesterday I stumbled on the blog – http://everybitterthingissweet.com/. Showed their video of their girls from Uganda to my husband, and low and behold, the dad is my husband’s fraternity brother! They haven’t spoken since college, but they were rather close. We are so excited to reconnet with them and learn from them. God is so good to us!
I’ve been pondering loss lately. I was praying on Saturday for the children’s birth family and thinking about the loss that they have all suffered. I’ve also been hit with the reality of our loss of having babies – sweet, little brand new babies. I was reading this morning, and the author talks about how we will eventually lose everything we have on earth – family, children, youth, success, material items. Life is full of loss. Keller says that we are all suffering from depression and sadness in our heart because we know, deep down, that everything we have will eventually be lost. We are merely playing “beat the clock” and trying to forget this reality.
But, there is hope! When we trust in Christ as our savior and as the source of all life and goodness, we gain the only thing that matters. As Paul says, For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain (Phil 1:21). As Christians, we are called to die daily (2 Cor 15:31) and to break loose the idols of the world (Psa 135:15-18). But, in losing everything, we gain Christ, which is everything. All things are in Christ – he is the authority over the earth. If we are in Christ, we have all that he has.
Not sure if I’m making sense, praise God for his unbounding grace.
I’m going to try blogging again so I can try and keep people up to date on our adoption process. Last week we accepted a referral for two sweet children. The little girl is 5 years old, and the little boy is almost 3. It’s surreal. We see their faces and know their names. This dream that we’ve had for at least two years is right here before us, yet I am battling serious fear. I’ve seen God move heaven and earth to bring us this far, and yet fear comes. It’s doubt, it’s lack of trust, it’s wanting to control the world.
This week, the Spirit brought me two words – Reckless Joy. Yes, that’s the faith of the Christian. It’s being joyful while knowing full well that you have everything to lose. It’s reckless. I will not live in fear. I choose reckless joy.
More to come…