First off, why are there no “daddy wars?”
Second, I have been thinking a lot about what the heck I can do with these kids when they get here. SAHM mom or not, you still have a lot of hours of teaching, playing and entertaining. All of my mom-friends are so talented. They are crafty, they knit, they make things on Pinterest, they make homemade paint, they can draw things like trees and dogs, they can plan birthday parties with a theme. And, all with a smile and make-up on. I can’t do any of that with no kids. I set out on Saturday morning to clean the bathroom, and as of right now (Sunday night), it’s not clean.
I have friends who make 7 layer rainbow cakes (well, one friend) and plan on their meals for the week on Sundays. I can only make an elaborate dish or fancy dessert if the following conditions are present: 1) I am not hungry; 2) I have five hours of uninterrupted free time; and 3) people are coming over. Otherwise, I make grilled cheese or ice cream.
I have friends who create “sensory trays” and knit. They make up games and create dioramas. I am not crafty or creative. In the first grade, Sister Donna Marie held my coloring up as an example to the class about how not to color. In the fifth grade, Sister Bernadin (these nuns were tough) gave me a D. On a drawing. Of a tree. The only creative things I do are writing witty Facebook statuses (from Saturday – “when I go out in public in sweatpants, I always wear my NU Law sweatshirt so people know that I can apply myself when necessary”) and changing the lyrics of songs to be absurd (“Our God is greater. Awesome at soccer. God you are faster and cooler and smarter”) or otherwise borderline vulgar (example omitted). Neither of those talents will be helpful in parenting.
Are there classes on these things? Is there a “mothering for dummies” out there? How do you knit? What do you knit? (Why do you knit?) These kids better come with some ideas.