Apparently one can make a full-time job out of feeding and changing a human baby. I have not been able to come up for air. It’s a strange life I lead since I spend almost all of my day and night lying on the couch or bed watching The West Wing. It feels like I am doing nothing and yet I can get nothing accomplished (other than keeping a human alive).
Frederick has certainly added a new element of delight into my life. Anything or anyone else who was this demanding all hours of the day and night would have been left out in the alley by now, but his cute little face and soft skin allow him to see another day.
It has not been easy. Physical pain, extreme exhaustion and raging hormones make for a dangerous combination. It is unfathomable to me that people do this more than once and in much more difficult circumstances. I’ve come over the first mountain (meaning I don’t weep every single day anymore), but I know there are more coming.
The Enemy attacked me hard during that first week or so. He knows when we are weak. I thought it would be easier, more natural. I wanted to be a mom so badly and yet when the time came, I was overcome with feelings that it was too much and not a good fit. The lies about who I am and what I capable of still come at me every day, but the Lord has been so merciful and faithful, filling me with his truth.
I have been so blessed with supportive family and friends. We barely ever have to figure out what to eat for dinner. I only recently started doing laundry again. My sweet mother in law mopped the floors on her hands and knees for goodness sake!
I hope to be back to blogging regularly. I’ll leave you with a photo of my sweet boy. Can you even handle the cuteness?