Finding my delight in the journey of adoption.

Archive for June, 2010

Well hello insecurity

Oh Beth Moore.  You win.  You got me.  I bought the book, laughed at the cover and thought to myself “good luck lady.”  Well done Beth.

Last night we had our last Bible study on the book by Beth Moore, So Long Insecurity. The simple message is that we are only insecure because we are placing our security in earthly things.  The only way we can truly be secure is to place our security in Christ.  Now those of us who are born-again Christians know that our eternal, spiritual security is already in Christ, but this is talking about our physical security.  The book is Biblically sound, and it really does challenge you and make you think.  Last night I would have said that this book has some great points and good a.

Today I would say that if you want God to knock you over and show you the depth of your brokenness, you should read this book.  This morning I went for my now normal jog with Bill.  About 15 minutes in, I could not stop my inner dialogue telling me that I was a pathetic loser for already being tired and wanting to stop.  I just couldn’t turn it off or make it positive.  Finally, I just had to stop, and I started bawling.  I sat down on the side of the path and just cried.  I needed to cry out to God to be my security despite the fact that I felt like I was worth of nothing because it’s still hard for me to run for 20 minutes.  I needed to see that it was OK to be slow and tired and out of shape and still be secure in Christ.

I don’t really have any grand lessons from this experience.  I will have the same inner dialogue tomorrow when I try again, but God can quiet it.

“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”  Romans 8:26

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Running for Joy

So, Saturday was the big 5K race.  I did it.  It was hard.  I’m happy that I did it.   So now what?  I started running 6 weeks ago with the goal of being able to run for about 30 minutes.  I can’t tell if I’ve reached my goal.  I mean, I am able to run that long, but it’s not particularly enjoyable.  I like the way I feel afterwards, but I have high hopes of actually liking the way I feel during the run.  It’s kind of like my relationship with God right now.  I know that God exists, that he sent his son to die for me, that I am saved, that’s He’s got my back.  But am I really joyful in the Lord?  I think so at times.  We have been trying to figure out what materials to study in our small group for the next session.  I watched about 10 minutes of John Piper’s DVD study “When I don’t Desire God.  How to Fight for Joy.”   He spoke about trying to get this passion and joy for God.  I think that would be good for me.   I guess the solution is to pray for it.  Prayer is always the solution.  Maybe I should also pray that I will start to enjoy running.